True Indeed!!

I have never thought to teach. I knew it is hard and tiring because friends and family around me experienced the exact same thing. 

Also, kids! Urrrggghhh. How I hate them! Yes I hate them!

I can escape from teaching in formal school cuz it is my choice, I can choose. But I cannot say no when the committee in church asked us to teach religious education to the kids. 

At first I thought it would be quite easy. Just get them to do some interesting activities, telling bible stories etc. 

Please slap me cos I am dead wrong!  Teaching in school might be hard but teaching RE could kill! I am only dealing with 3 kids and I am already half-dead. 

The naughtiest boy in the class aged 9 has totally getting on my nerves last weekend! We, RE teachers refer him as "like a boss" because of his "I-am-not-satisfy-with-everything-you-do" face. And oh ya! To add impressive effect to the face, his is always making "hmph" sound when he talks. 

Tell me! How can you like this kid??!! How can you not hate him?!! Please forgive me oh Lord. I cannot bear this anymore. I know we have been told to love ALL kids and accept who they are. They are rude and naughty because they have no truth inside them. But I did pray!! I guess I just did not put enough effort in my prayer to make them listen and concentrate in class. but to always talk back to me.

Coming back to last weekend. The "like a boss" has been very noisy from the start. I told him to stop making noise and lowering his voice. As usual, he was giving me the face and hmph sound. Saying: I like ah? Cannot meh? I like to talk mah. This mouth is mine.=.= Fine! 

At last he broke something. I scold him and said I will have him grounded from 10 minutes. I let another boy out and asked him to wait for his sister. He was being hysteric and angry at me. "Wait until next week! I will bring 30 million to ask someone to kidnap you! You wait! Hmph hmph!"......... I stood in front of the door to not let him out. "If I have a hammer now I will smack your head and get out of here! You think I can't?"............. Speechless.

I have tried my best. I said to myself I won't be teaching again. Not to kids! It's enough.

Unless, the parents give me total freedom, which I don't have to always think of their feeling and dignity if I have to punish their children.

這樣的感覺

夜已經很深很深了。再過一個小時就是凌晨三點鐘。

心情很是複雜。不來部落格寫一寫，我恐怕是睡不著了。

自從高三畢業之後，我就偶爾會想，以前的同學和大學朋友，哪一些會先步入婚姻，展開他們人生的另一頁？

那時候的我，面對著情況會怎樣回應呢？會是以怎樣的心情去接納呢？我的朋友的伴侶，和我有關係嗎？以後我們相約出來喝茶的時候，他的伴侶會一起來嗎？我們可以相處嗎？畢竟男女朋友和先生太太確實是差異太大啊。

然後，發現自己想得太多。伴侶是人家的。我憑什麽管那麼寬？就算是跟我相處不來又怎樣？跟他過下半輩子的也不是我。

前幾個月看到喵喵結婚登記的照片，給予祝福的心很滿很滿。我很高興她找到了歸屬。畢竟離離合合幾次，他們還是共結連理。可能他們真的是對方的命中註定也說不定。

之後喵喵告訴我說，12月辦喜酒咯！大開心。期待的心情真的是滿得灑出來了。喵喵我愛你。希望你一切順利，快樂幸福！

再然後，今晚去了逛廣場。途中接了一通電話。另一頭的他說：朋友陳某要結婚了。三個月后！我頓時傻眼。這麼突然，驚嚇多過於驚喜。而且不知為何心裡頭揪了一角。

我很喜歡陳某。作為一個小我三個月，還和我同姓的男生，我真心喜歡他。從我15歲那年轉學，第一次看見他，我就覺得：這個男生真耐看！越看越好看。可能基於他不甘寂寞的個性，戀情是一段又一段，偶爾有中斷，但從不間斷。

一直到一年前？還是兩年前？我也記不清楚了。陳某的女朋友我眼看照片就喜歡。怎麼看怎麼有夫妻相。只可惜好景不長，縱然是好的緣分，不是你的不能強求，陳某失戀了。而且，是爲了快刀斬亂麻嗎？不出幾個月陳某竟然搭上了以前中學的學妹，一個我對她很有保留的學妹。那時候的感覺，只有錯愕吧。

又然後，現在陳某說要跟這個學妹結婚了。更加錯愕。

好吧，如果他們是真心喜歡對方的，那又何妨？難道我還會吝嗇我的祝福嗎？

只愿你好，一切都安好。一人生活的時候很好，兩個人的生活要更加好。

给你的话

其实不高兴就说出来好了，为什么还要拐那么大个弯来表明自己的立场？

何xk弟兄，不是我要说你什么。前一阵子你确实是改变了一些，但是现在反而变本加厉？太奇怪了。

你面子书上的状态，是你写的还是你女朋友写的？或者是你帮你女朋友写的？我超级好奇。没有预先通知你说我们要去超级市场买东西是我们不对，好啦我承认。但是你也没有预先告诉我们说你要送你女朋友去火车站啊。

还有那个状态怎么写得那么不干脆。写英文、华语、客家、马来文 blablabla 能让大家明白就好。为什么非得要搞得那么复杂，还要人家去花心思去解读？如果我们别人都看不懂的话，那不是白费心机了吗？多无谓啊。

话说回来，如果不是因为我们要去超市，你是没有打算告诉我们你要送她去火车站的事情对吗？那这样算不算是滥用教会公物？你自己觉得呢？

不是我们不让你抓着车钥匙。你有没有检讨自己最近几次驾驶的记录？其实大家都很胆小，我们都怕死。你不怕吗？我老实没信心能在死后上天堂呢。

最后，劝勉你不要常常用自己的角度去思考。多站在别人的位置想想，有助于身心成长。心胸要宽大一些，才不会郁郁寡欢。情绪管理和面部表情也要学习控制得宜。最重要的，别只是生活在你和她的世界里。

可能跨越了这么些绊脚石障碍，你在灵性上可以更上一层楼也说不定。

Why is it so

I missed a lot of things.
I miss a lot of people.
But I am weak.
I am not capable of doing anything great.
Forgive me.
I said a lot, like, I miss you. Hugs. xoxo. Keep in touch. Keep you in heart.
I meant it. But do they believe?

I keep on remembering things these days.
Frustration.
They say it is not good for your health if you stay very late at night. So I tried to sleep earlier.
I prepare to go onto bed at 10. Blink. Blink. My mind is still working.
I read some books. Finally.
and then "BANG". This shitty roommate of mine went to toilet.
Again "BANG". She went outside to wash something.
Please! For whoever's sake, can't you be more gentle??!!
Great. Now I can't fall back to my sleep anymore.
Insomnia.

What time is it now? I looked for my phone.
What the.....
It has only been 3 hours since I fell sleep.

Why is it so bright out there? In my room?
I want it to be dark. Very dark.
That kind of darkness which I can't even see my own fingers.
Like I am blind.
Why is it so loud? I heard the noise of the washing machine.
Wash. Rinse. Spin.
Is anyone washing clothes in the middle of night?
I want it to be quite. Silence.
Like I am deaf. Not even the sound of the fan spinning.

Am I being psychotic.
I heard the noise of washing machine again.

就你對

你不懂，所以不要出聲。Shhhhhh

Diam-diam lah

無時無刻在那裡大條大條的道理，你就覺得你這麼會思考？你覺得就你人生歷練很豐富？

我拜託你。除了渺小的愛情之外，多關心你家人，多關心時事動態。

我不想跟你一般見識，所以從來不去留言。以你的個性，絕對是說不過人家決不罷休。

你贏。你贏完。可以了吧？

唉。Diam-diam lah

Po 狀態也要適可而止吧。

單身萬歲

手有點癢，腦袋有點生銹，所以上來寫一些東西。

*眨兩下眼睛*咦？已經2月了wor，還是2月中呢！情侶們的節日又來了~

情人節快樂啊大家大家！*木木+大愛心小愛心*

今晚上跟著大夥趴趴走，說什麽單身派對。唉，我的荷包%>_<% 這星期吃麵包就好了，荷包太瘦了。算了，大家開心就好，不然要被人家罵我是飛機王了，整天放人家飛機。

今年是龍年也！我的年！哈哈哈哈。有點過分開心。真不好意思跟人家說我已經24歲了。感覺上好老哦！

好像，今年的新年過得最寫意。哪裡都沒有去，飯也沒有吃很多，汽水也沒有喝到吐。以往的經驗都是吃到撐的。唉，體力不支啊！

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好久好久都沒有買書了。今天殺了2本回家。O(∩_∩)O哈哈！真是太開心太幸福了！

說起來還真是多虧了即將來臨的大選。要不是這個原因，大專生有什麽可能得到每個人200塊錢的書卷？還不止如此，低收入家庭還可以申請500塊的支援咧！數目不是很大，不過卻幫補了不少。

目前還只是用了50塊。我還是好好想想該買什麽書好了。手癢啊，一不小心就花掉了。最怕是買了還後悔。懂吧，那是我的style。哈哈哈。